The Things That Hold You Back

Again, it's been a while since I posted.  Probably because it's been a while since I did any writing.

Two reasons for that.  The first is a nasty and persistant case of the blues.  It's nearing the 12 month anniversary of my sister's passing and there have been a lot of 'last memories' surfacing.  The 13th of this month was the 12 month anniversary of the last time I saw her before she went into hospital.  It was a beautiful day spent with both my sisters and we had a lovely time together and the memory of that day is so crystal clear in my mind which is a great comfort.

The other, less easily defined reason, is that I have been having a mild crisis of confidence.  Okay less than mild.  I read a lot of blogs.  Some of published authors. Some of soon-to-be published authors.  And some of authors wanting to be published.  But lately I have found myself holding back from commenting on their blogs, and posting on my own, because I have the ridiculous notion that someone, somewhere is going to call my bluff.  Someone is going to point at me, everyone will turn to stare and they will yell into the settling silence: "This woman is a fake!  She has no talent and she will never ever be a writer!"

As a result my writing has suffered.  I was second-, third-, and fourth-guessing each and every single word I was writing and it was the most unproductive process I have ever undertaken.  I seriously thought about giving up but as per usual I kept dreaming up these amazing (well to me anyway) plots and characters and I wrote them down in my "Ideas" folder where they were languishing away, drumming their fingers on my conciousness. 

So then I decided to read through some older posts of other writers and found some really helpful advice (thank you Caitlin Crews, Jackie Ashenden, Maisey Yates and Nicola Marsh).  The plan now is to just write.  Not hamstringing myself by trying to write the perfect first draft or caring about what anyone else would think about it.  Just writing.

Then I can go back and see what can be salvaged.  Learning to rewrite is a skill that I am going to give myself the opportunity to add to my repertoire.

If anyone is still reading this blog (and I can't blame you if you're not) any words of wisdom are most welcome.