Logline Critique Session Two Revisited #1

TITLE: All's Fair
GENRE: YA Fantasy

ORIGINAL LOGLINE:

All seventeen-year-old Princess Fawn of Savara wants is to avenge her betrothed, but refusing to marry the son of the king responsible for his death could lead to a war that devastates both their countries.

REVISED LOGLINE:

Seventeen-year-old Princess Fawn craves revenge after she is tortured and her betrothed killed by a neighboring king, but her plans are delayed when her father falls ill and her unmarried status leaves her ineligible to assume the throne---and though finding her betrothed alive should provide an easy solution, her mother's insistence that a royal wedding could prevent a devastating war forces Fawn to decide between her only love, whose loyalty is questionable after two years in the enemy's clutches, and the king's son, whose desire for peace runs as deep as her hatred of him and his country.

Copyright Rachael Harrie 2012